War of the Worlds

British scholars have discovered the long-lost final chapter of the H.G. Wells classic, The War of the Worlds. An excerpt:

Amid rising criticism of the botched rollout of the invasion of Earth, the Martian president met with members of the planet’s press corps. “This has been a magnificent effort, and I thank everyone involved,” he said in his opening statement. “But I have to acknowledge that it hasn’t worked as smoothly as it was supposed to work.”

A reporter raised six of his eighteen hands. “Sir, all the members of the invasion force died because they had no immunity to Earth germs. We spent years scrutinizing and studying the Earth. Didn’t anybody in your administration anticipate that this might be a problem?”

“We knew there would be glitches,” he said, “but frankly we were blindsided by the extent of the difficulty. But we have teams working round the clock to find solutions.”

Another reporter interjected. “In light of this disaster, are you actually suggesting that you will keep trying to invade the Earth?”

“Yes,” the president smiled, “We are moving forward. This is a great plan.  We are looking for volunteers to serve in the second wave of the invasion. In fact, they are signing up as we speak.”

The reporter asked, “Just a followup, sir, how many volunteers do you have so far?”

“I don’t have any data on that.”